My Friend...

Do any of you know a person who has made such an impact on your life that they can never be forgotten? I do. And he exists in the man of S. Dee Barrett.



Some of you may know him as an author/speaker, others of you may know him as a seminary and institute teacher. And still others of you may know him as a Bishop.

I know him as my friend.

Brother Barrett first entered my life when I signed up for his institute class my first year at Utah State University. Shy and awkward, I never had the courage to speak up in class. Day after day I would sit there in silence listening intently to what was said but never offering any opinions of my own. Then one day, out of the blue, Brother Barrett came and sat down next to me. He asked me my name, where I was from, what I was studying in school. We talked for 10 minutes and then he started class. From that moment on we were friends. He would say hi to me in the halls, he would talk to me in class. He always made me feel important and at that time in my life I really needed it. Then the year ended and I moved home for the summer.

When I got back to college the next year my schedule became much more hectic and I didn't enroll in Institute that year. My third year came and I didn't enroll that year either. But I happened to move to Darwin Ave. which was located directly behind the Institute building. To get from my house to my classes on campus, I would often cut through the Institute building. One day I was making my way down the hall when I heard "CAMILLE BUTTERFIELD!" I turned around and there he was clear at the other end of the hall walking towards me. He asked me how I was and then he sat me down and talked to me for 45 minutes. Did he have other things to do? I'm sure he did. But just like two years prior, he made the time for me. He asked if I was enrolled in Institute and I said no. He made me promise to start going to his class. I did. And I went to his class (and only his class) for the next four years....even long after I had finished school.

In 2003 I found out some very important information about myself. I found out that I have social anxiety. It was a life changing moment for me...all of a sudden I understood why I was the way I was: shy, awkward, scared of everything. I felt liberated by this knowledge but I was frightened at the same time. Now that I knew, what was I going to do about it?

I went and talked to Brother Barrett. See, he's not only an author, speaker, teacher and friend...he is also a therapist! We talked for an hour and he decided to take it upon himself to be my therapist. We met once a week in his office at the Institute building. He helped me in ways I can never explain. He was patient with me when I didn't want to do what he was asking me to do. He was understanding of how difficult certain things were for me. But at the same time, he pushed me. He pushed me to be the person he knew I could be but was too scared to be. He had me say prayers during class, he called on me, etc. I hated every minute of it, but he never stopped. And at the same time, he never gave up on me. We fought much of the time, we laughed when we weren't fighting, and we cried on occasion too. He was always there for me. Always.

Then one day in January of 2004 I realized it was time for me to move back home to Salt Lake. I didn't know why, but I knew I had to do it. He was the first person I went to and he supported my decision whole heartedly. When I sadly asked him what I would do without his help, he helped me realize that this was Heavenly Father's way of telling me I was ready to move on. I didn't need Brother Barrett anymore. It was a very hard realization to face.

To this day I still know that leaving Logan was the best decision I could have made. But the day I drove away, I cried harder than I had ever cried before. Not because I was sad to leave my life there behind, but because I had no idea if I would ever see SDB* again.

It's now been five years. During these five years I have seen Brother Barrett twice (both within the first year of my move), spoken to him once on the phone and I have emailed him twice. The second email was just sent today. Though I have moved on with my life there are moments when he comes into my mind and every time it happens, my heart aches a little. I miss him, still. But at the same time, my heart smiles because I realize how blessed I was to have him in my life for as long as I did.

I am, in large part, the person I am today because of him. And today I took the time to thank him.

*SDB became my nickname for him. I always called him that just as he always had nicknames for me. Names such as dork, dweeb, and the like.

**After reading this through again I realize that it sounds an awful lot like a eulogy. That was not my intent, as he is very much still alive!