The Stepfather...

If any of you are looking for a scary movie to see this Halloween, don't bother with this one. It was the stupidest movie I have ever seen. I was so excited for the potential of wetting my pants and hiding my face in my coat..but there was none of that. It never made me jump nor did I have to close my eyes. In fact, the movie only became slightly scary with about 15 minutes remaining and even then it was shoddy at best. The plot was full of holes, things didn't add up, there wasn't enough suspense or intensity to leave you on the edge of your seat. Oh, and don't even get me started on how the girlfriend in the movie wore only two kinds of outfits for the entire 1 hour 41 minutes: bikinis and underwear. Despite the fact that the movie itself was pretty lame, the language wasn't bad. For that reason alone I'll give it two stars.

Marbles, Museums and Crooked Backs...

Here are a couple more stories from my journal that I thought I'd share. I was on vaction with my parents visiting my sister's family in Arkansas at the time.

10-12-03: "Tanner (age 6) put some marbles down his underwear today. When Jeanine got mad and he tried to run from her we couldn't help but laugh - he was jangling all the way to his room as the marbles rattled together in his underpants! ... Then there's Travis. The poor guy threw his back out and can't even walk straight. He's in so much pain and is literally a crooked man. When he was trying to get up from the floor he could barely do it and Jeanine said, 'Maybe you should call in sick to work' and he said, 'I can't crawl in sick!'"

10-13-03: "Today I was trying to explain to Cameron (age 4) that his toy cars were SUV's. He was trying to tell me they were trucks. I said, 'S.U.V.' and he said, "Well, S.U.V. spells truck!'"

10-14-03: "We decided to go to the Wild Wilderness Safari. We drove our car through this zoo thing and the animals came right up to our windows... Cameron was trying to tell us it was a museum we went to, not a safari. He said, 'It's a museum because there were cows there. If there are cows it's a moo-seum!'"

How Would You Respond?

[Editor's Note]: In order to tell this story I am going to have to divulge a little more information about me than I really care to. Some may laugh and some may be shocked but it's okay...judge me all you want. I'm woman enough to take it.

An old guy friend of mine came to visit yesterday.* Our history goes back seven years to the time when we were both young college students at Utah State. We were the best of friends and spent a lot of time together. Throughout all the time we spent together I began to fall in love, and I don't say that loosely. The problem, however, was that he wasn't in love with me. I'm sure most of you have experienced that at some point in your lives. Anyway, despite our rather complex history we've managed to stay in touch over the years - usually once every couple of years. A week ago yesterday I decided to drop him an email. He called, I wasn't home. We ended up playing phone tag during the week and then yesterday we finally managed to connect. He came over to my house for three hours yesterday afternoon where we talked, caught each other up on our lives and laughed - a lot. It was as if time hadn't even passed and we were still those two young college students from seven years ago.

At one point in the conversation he looked at me and asked, "So have you gotten any better at dating?"

"What?" I said.

"Remember how at Utah State you were really shy about dating?"

"Oh, yes. I've gotten better."

What I didn't tell him was that I still don't date but it's not because I'm shy about it...it's because guys are dumb.

"Have you kissed anyone yet?"

Seven years ago we had a similar conversation and it came out that I had only kissed one guy. Ever since then he's always been curious to know if I've kissed anyone else.

"No I have not."

"What? Why?"

"I don't know why. I just haven't."

"Well, we just need to kiss and get it over with!"

In the split second I had before needing to respond to that, my thought process went something like this: Is he joking? Is he serious? Stay cool, be calm, don't blush...

I laugh. He laughs.

"Um, okay..."

It came out kind of sarcastic as if I was saying "yeah right, that's never going to happen" which wasn't at all how I intended it to sound.

"Seriously, you just need to kiss a guy and then all your problems will be solved."

"It's not that I don't want to kiss a guy, but the guy has to want to kiss me too."

"There are plenty of guys out there who want to kiss you."

"Really? I don't think so."

"Trust me. That's not the problem."

Thought process: what is he saying? Does he want to kiss me? This is awkward.

My split second was up, but it just so happened that right then he needed to blow his nose so he walked into the bathroom and shut the door. I was sweating to death so I asked him if he was hot. He said no, he was fine. I walked over and opened a window to cool off the house a little, telling him I was sweating to death. To which he replied, "That's just because I told you we should kiss!"

Thought process: Heaven help me.

For the record, we didn't kiss. But just in case that happens again, I need to know of a better way to respond.

Oh, and walking up to him and planting one on him is not an option.

*I really, really hope that he never reads my blog.

The Year was 2003...

I have written a post once before about how I came to start a journal as well as the fact that I have continued to write in a journal every night and have done so for the past 15 or so years. To read that entry, you can click here. I am bringing this up again simply because over the past three days I have been reading back in one of my journals from 2003 and some of the things I have written down have made me laugh out loud. Here are a few snippets of things from 2003, things I never would have remembered had I not written them down:

4-16-03: I think the most classic moment today came when Joseph* got into work. I don't think he believes in deodorant or showering. He smells SO bad. The best way to describe his "stench" without being too graphic is to say he smelled like a stale sanitary pad. Yeah - disgusting! Anyway, Mandy* sits right next to him and couldn't take it anymore. She was so ready to puke. I told her there was some air freshner in the back room and she should get it and spray some on his desk when he leaves to the restroom. She didn't dare so she asked me to. The only freshner I could find was this gross citrus stuff. I decided that was better than nothing so I grabbed it and took it to my desk. As soon as Joseph went to the restroom Mandy yelled my name. I grabbed the citrus can, took off the lid and headed to his work station. I held the can at my side so as not to appear too obvious to my other co-workers. As I walked past his chair I gave the can a couple squirts and just kept on walking. No one had any idea I had done anything. Joseph eventually came back from the restroom and he said, while sniffing, "What's that orange smell?" Linda said "I don't know. I think someone ate an orange." Mandy and I were dying. At least we didn't end up hurting anyone's feelings!"

6-13-03: "I spent nearly 4 hours with Natalie, Tyler, Ben and Emily. The boys were adorable. At one time I had to blow my nose & Ben said "Okay, I get you tissue" and he ran into the bathroom. He then handed me some toilet paper & said "Here you go". I said "thank you" and took it from him. It was approximately 1 1/2 squares and barely fit around my nose but I used it anyway...for a two year old he is quite the helper!"

6-21-03: "The afternoon and evening were spent with the kids (Amber and Clayton). They were both so crazy and hyper but they were so cute...at one point during the night Amber told Tricia that she (Tricia) was "worned out" and went to get her new batteries. That had Tricia in tears she was laughing so hard. Those kids really do wear us all out. :)"

6-25-03: "Harry Potter has become this national icon in children's literature and people have been anticipating the next volume for two years. It finally came out Friday night and people stood in lines at midnight just to buy the dumb thing. I haven't read any of the books yet and I am actually refusing to do so...people talk about it like it's real life, 'Oh, poor Harry, he goes through so much and I feel so bad for him!'. Newsflash people - HE ISN'T REAL!"

6-26-03: "Doug* came over tonight and stayed until about 8pm. He had a very funny story to tell. He ran into a girl from one of his past classes on campus the other day. She had lost her keys so he offered her a ride home. He said she's a fairly quiet girl but very nice. When he got to her house she turned to him and said, 'Do you want to have sex?' He said 'What?!?' and then he said, 'uh...no'. Doug was like, 'Can you believe that?'. I said, 'Are you sure it wasn't a dream?' and he said 'No! I'm positive it wasn't!'. Then he said, 'You know how you kind of think up scenarios in your mind so you know how to respond to them?'. I said 'yes' and he said 'Well, that wasn't one I've ever thought up before!'. It was seriously so shocking - but so funny!"

6-29-03: "Mike* called to get directions to the party. We talked for 25 minutes...he asked me if I was dating anyone and I said no. He then proceeded to tell me about this girl that he's been dating for a month now. What caught my attention was when he said he might be getting married. I laughed and said "yeah right!" He said, "she plays the piano just like you...she's a good cook, just like you - I love your cooking'. He loves MY cooking? Perhaps he should have said he loves HER cooking if he is going to marry her!"

Now do you see the benefits of writing in a journal regularly? It's cracking me up! If you guys find this humorous and would like me to share more funny stories from my past, let me know! I might make this a regular blog entry.

*I changed some names to protect identities.

Another Year Older...

But none the wiser...

My friends threw me a great party - blazing candles and all!





I had a great day. Between the birthday songs, emails, texts, phone calls, party and Facebook wishes, I received about 45 birthday wishes yesterday. I appreciate them all. Thanks to all of you for helping to make my day great! Here's to another year!

Construction Season...

I'm sitting here watching Fox 13 news while I eat my dinner and they just did a news story on the Mountain View Corridor that will be built on the west side of the salt lake valley. They mentioned that most of the road will be built during "the next 4 construction seasons".

My question is this: What exactly is a "construction season" in Utah? I thought our seasons were fall construction, winter construction, spring construction and summer construction.

So are they saying it will take one year (four seasons) to build this road or are they saying it will take four years to build this road?

Add That to the Resume...

My supervisor here at work is on vacation this week. And while she's gone, she had a wall in her office painted, kind of like an accent wall I suppose. The chosen color was a light blue. It's not a bad color (hey, my favorite color is blue!) but it's probably not something I personally would choose for a wall. My co-worker and I walked in and looked at this wall shortly after it was painted and I said "Really? Is that the real color?" I thought it was a primer or something. Just goes to show how much I know about painting...

Anyway, my other co-worker came up with this brillant idea to make a mural on the wall that will help the color of this paint job feel more at home. So in talking it over, this is what we came up with:




My co-worker who came up with this plan is the project coordinator in our office. I told her she should add this project to her resume and underneath it write: shows great initiative and leadership, works well without supervision, great attention to detail, exhibits creativity, knows how to delegate, etc.

She pretty much did everything. I did the clouds (don't they look nice?) and taped a couple flowers on (oh, and made the little antennas for the butterfly). But other than that, it was all her.

I mean seriously, who wouldn't want to hire her? And I ask that question because there could be a 20% chance that we might not have jobs here after next week...especially if all that scotch tape we applied to the newly painted wall pulls the paint off.*

*I'm kind of banking on the hope that our supervisor will love having a little nature in her office, especially one that has no windows. This way it can be spring all year long!

A Familiar Face...

Do you ever have those moments when you see someone you recognize but don't know how you know them?

I ran to Target tonight after work just to pick up a few items and as I was wandering through the familiar isles of the store I walked past a familiar face. We glanced at each other as we passed, he not seeming to recognize me, but I recognized him...somehow. I know I've been pretty sick for the past five days and my brain continues to be in a slight fog, but I knew I knew him and it drove me crazy and I didn't know how.

I won't say I stalked the poor guy as he traversed the isles of the store because I didn't. But between my wanderings and his traversings, we happened past each other multiple times. Each time I continued to stare at him trying to figure out how I knew him. He, most likely, looking at me, wondering how many more times he'd have to walk past the psycho girl who couldn't seem to stop staring at him.

This wasn't a guy my age, mind you. He was probably in his late 40's and married. He was also walking down the isles with another woman who, hopefully, was his wife. I knew I didn't know him from work or church. In fact, I didn't feel that I even knew him well. I just knew who he was...I'd seen him somewhere before. Did I recognize him from the train? Was he in some random magazine ad, or on TV?

How in the world did I know this guy?!?! I didn't know and it was driving me crazy!

Just as I walked passed him the last time I heard the woman say something about court and all of a sudden a lightbulb went on in my head. I knew him from court!!

He was the prosecutor. I was on the jury. He won the case.

Mystery solved, and a good thing too because I was just seconds away from being turned into that scrawny pre-pubescent boy they call a security guard.

Making Mints...

Last night my family was reminicing about our growing up years, such as how I used to always be the "garbage girl" when we'd have the treat basket at grandma B's house. This was my claim, but my younger sister quickly disagreed with me, letting me know she had been the "garbage girl" since the day she learned to scoot. But either way, according to my dad, that's what kids are for! So now we make our neices and nephews be the "garbage girls/boys" when they have the treat basket at our house. It's only fair.

But that story has nothing to do with the point of this blog post. Back to reminicing about our growing up years.

We were talking about baking and how everyone in our family had a "specialty" that they made growing up. One sister always made the chocolate chip cookies. Another always made the orange julius. I always made the banana bread. And on and on it went. Apparently, according to my brother, nothing has ever compared to the brownies he and our other brother made once (but which the rest of us have no recollection of). Nor does anything compare to the mint patties that my sister and I once attempted to make.

That is the story that will most likely go down in our family history as the best baking story ever. Here's how the story goes:

Several years ago, the two of us decided that we wanted to make some mint patties. They are fairly simple to make. They consist of four ingredients: butter, karo syrup, mint extract and powdered sugar. So this particular day, we got out the recipe, all the ingredients and went to work. My sister told me how much karo syrup we needed and we started pouring it into the bowl. Well, we ended up running out of karo syrup so the two of us stopped what we were doing and ran to the store. We bought a few more jars of the sticky stuff and headed back home. After adding about the 9th cup of karo syrup, my sister mentioned that it was looking rather sticky. I picked up the recipe and double checked the ingredients. We needed 1/2 cup!! My sister didn't see the {/} between the 1 and the 2 and thought we needed 12 cups!

What two geniuses don't know that there isn't a recipe in the world that calls for 12 cups of anything!?!

When our brother asked us if we threw it away, of course we said yes! But that got us all laughing once again when I asked how many pounds of powdered sugar it would have taken to fix that big of a mistake!

I'll spare you all the arithmetic, but if I figured it correctly, it would have taken 24 pounds.

I'm sure nobody would have stopped and stared at us for hauling four jars of karo syrup out of the store, but 24 pounds of powdered sugar?

I'm pretty sure we'd still be eating those mint patties today!

Thursday Night Confessions...

Some of my friends do this thing on their blogs called "Friday Night Confessions"...or Sunday, or whatever day it may happen to be. I love reading their confessions and so I decided to give this a go. Not that my confessions will be nearly as earth shattering (or hilarious) as theirs but here goes...

• I throw away more food than I eat. I like to buy fresh produce but I never manage to eat it before it goes bad.
  
  
• I never answer the door if I'm not expecting anyone.
  
  
• I never answer my phone if I don't recognize the number.
  
  
• I have a certain spot where I stand everyday while waiting for TRAX.
  
  
• It bothers me when someone else stands in my spot.
  
  
• There's this girl that tries to stand in my spot everyday.
  
  
• My blood starts to boil the instant I see her pull into the parking lot.
  
  
• Yes, I know what car she drives.
  
  
• When I see her, I will sometimes speed walk to my spot just to beat her.
  
  
• I love my new TV. Sometimes I don't go to activities just so I can sit home and watch it.
  
  
• I'm watching it right now.
  
  
• I called my friend earlier and left her a message that said she can call me back but if I don't answer it's because I'm watching TV.
  
  
• My TV addiction may or may not be resurfacing.