The Thing I Cannot Do...

The other day I was having a conversation with a friend of mine and he said something like this:

"You can sing, play the piano, cook, quilt... Is there anything you can't do?"

I looked at him and said "Probably not. I'm pretty much amazing"

Truth be told, as much as I like people to think I can do it all, I really can't. I'm sure there are many things I could do if I just learned how (ie: snow ski). There are probably other things that I could do if I wasn't so scared to try (ie: skydiving). There is one thing however, that no matter how often I have tried or how often someone has tried to teach me, I just cannot do. And that is dance.

I have absolutely no dancing ability. Zero, zip, zilch, nada. I simply cannot do it. Dancing, to me, is one of the most awkward things I can do with my body. I remember one time my roommate wanted to go to an institute dance. Normally I would have said no, but despite the major anxiety I felt and despite the amount of pepto bismol tablets I should have consumed before leaving the house, I went. I did, however, make sure to give her fair warning that I can't dance. Like most people, she thought I was exaggerating. "Everybody can dance!" she said. Well, we got there and right away she tried to teach me how to move my hips by having me pretend I was wiping a bowl with my butt. I tried, she burst out laughing. That was the end of that. I stood by the refreshment table the rest of the night. My top half moves okay and I can dance about while sitting in a chair, but my bottom half is as stiff as a tree trunk. It just doesn't move. It's awkward and humiliating. I'd almost rather have my teeth pulled.

I usually tell people I hate dancing, but the truth is, if I didn't look like a 2x4 trying to move in unmovable ways, I would probably love it. I have always wished I could dance. But it is something that I just cannot do.