Ryan and Me: Chapter Thirteen

It took only one week after Ryan had received his own answer about Joseph Smith and had made the decision to meet with the missionaries, that chaos ensued. Well, I probably shouldn't call it chaos, but difficulties definitely arose. I don't want to get into the nitty-gritty of everything that happened, but here is the basic gist of it:

Saturday (one week after his answer): we got into a discussion about some things that left us both feeling slightly tense. We left each other that evening barely speaking.

Sunday: Ryan was supposed to go to church with me but due to the tension from the night before, he skipped out on me without even saying anything. This left me feeling slightly concerned so I tried to text him. I heard nothing from him the entire day.

Monday: Ryan came into my office to ask for something. I could tell something was still bothering him so I decided we should talk. He basically told me he didn't want me to go to his discussion with the missionaries that evening. That, along with what had gone down the previous two days caused me to feel hurt and betrayed. I felt like we just ran a marathon together, with me helping and encouraging him the entire way, and then with half a mile to go he just pushed me aside and said, "thanks, but I don't need you anymore." After a while of pondering this situation, however, I realized I had no right to feel that way so I tried to email him and explain that he was right and I shouldn't be there. I also expressed my happiness and excitement for him and wished him well with the discussion. I got a response back that I was not expecting. I'm not going to say anything about it other than it completely broke my heart and nearly cost us our friendship. The next few days were VERY rough for both of us.

Looking back on this entire experience, I still have no idea where many of our problems that week came from. It completely felt like the adversary was trying to get us to wage war on each other. Everything that could have gone wrong just about did. Even though we both went through many emotions and frustrations during this time, I think Ryan dealt with the brunt of it and he began to question just about everything. I'm sure his decision to convert to the LDS church was among those things he was questioning.

It is often said that the adversary will do everything in his power to stop God's work from progressing on this earth. Satan is the father of contention, fear, doubt, confusion and anger and he uses these feelings to keep us from doing what we feel is right. I cannot begin to tell you just how many of those feelings we both experienced in those four or five days. It took so much faith, determination and patience on our part to see it through when it would have been so easy for both of us to just walk away. I had to constantly remind myself that God would provide a way. I had to let go of my pride and selfishness and realize that Ryan did need to go through this part of his journey without me and I couldn't let his emotions affect my own. It wasn't easy but it was the right thing to do.

One night as I was writing in my journal, I penned these lines:

I feel like Satan is completely trying to drive a wedge between us but at the same time, I also feel like this is exactly what Ryan needs right now. This is his perfect "test" so to speak, to see if joining the church is really what he wants. With things being difficult between us and him possibly feeling like "us" will never happen, he has a good chance now of doing this for all the right reasons.

Despite how hard Satan worked in trying to destroy everything we had both worked so hard for, we still knew that we could not give up. Each night Ryan had a missionary discussion, I would sit at home and patiently wait for him to call me up and tell me how it went. They always went perfectly. I think it was during his 2nd discussion where he actually told the missionaries that he already believed it, was ready to be baptized and that they were just a formality. Hearing that brought a smile to my face because it was then that I knew for sure that the adversary would not win.

Ryan was ready.